The Best, Worst Thanksgivings Ever

I have been watching the usual run of television shows with their typical depictions of the either absolutely horrific or enchantingly wonderful, love-filled Thanksgiving gatherings. It all made me think about my past and how I, like everyone else, have had both really good and rather average family get togethers. There is one however that stands out as not only a particularly lackluster holiday, but in fact a terrible one that compares very closely to outdated tv movies. Another one though after many years has finally become my favorite personal Thanksgiving memory.



The worst Thanksgiving I ever had is one of many disappointment, one right after another. I was so excited because my wife Patiance and I were slated to travel to New York City the week of Thanksgiving for our first ever visit. We had always wanted to go and my sister-in-law was already going on a return visit and we were going to tag along and have the benefit of having her be our gracious host and personal tour guide. The beautiful splendor of Autumn in New York for the holiday was a dream come true. We had also secured tickets to Late Night with David Letterman, which I had also always dreamed of attending as well. But unfortunately just a few short days before we were to take the much anticipated trip of our dreams, my poor wife became very ill and wound up spending an extended stay in the hospital, including Thanksgiving day itself. So on Turkey Day 1999, while my wife is in Central Baptist Hospital and we both are missing our dream trip, I head out to find someplace open to eat after moping around the hospital the majority of the day. I had waited so long that most decent places were closed and after driving around a bit trying to find anyplace at all open, I wound up driving back in the direction of the hospital and was forced to stop at the only place left open...Denny's!!! Yep, Denny's, not that there is anything wrong with their chain of restaurants but just watch any Thanksgiving movie from the 80's or 90's and you see them making fun of every single father that can't cook taking their family there after burning the dinner they attempted to make themselves. It was even used in one of the Santa Claus movies with Tim Allen if I'm not mistaken, like I said it was overused after a while. But, here I was one of only about five to six small groups of people partaking in the fine cuisine of Denny's late on Thanksgiving night, and the only person there alone. The tragically funny thing is that the stereotype was true as it looked as though most of the other clientele was dads with one or two children and no spouse in site. I did eat a fairly good meal, all the while feeling really sorry for myself and my wife for having missed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and our trip. I finished up and went back to the hospital and spent the night on the recliner that opens up to a bed. To this day I can still remember the smell of the food at Denny's, the cold of the gray, wet day in Lexington, and the feel of the springs in that recliner digging into my spine! WORST THANKSGIVING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!



Now the memory of my Best Thanksgiving is very heart warming to me. There were so many good things happening for Patiance and I. After working off shifts for so many years, I had finally landed a job working days and it had improved my physical health immensely. The health insurance company that Patiance had been working for had relocated to Indianapolis, leaving her out of work for a period of time but she had recently found a job that she really liked. We had just moved into a new home that we had purchased while they were building and even got to help pick out some of the paint and carpet colors. Life seemed great. But then it got even better. We had been trying for some time to have a baby, and just a few weeks before Thanksgiving we found out that Patiance was in fact expecting our first child. Of course if you know us now, you are aware that we later found out that in fact we were blessed with twins...Cameron and Kristen. So on Thanksgiving Day, I could think of nothing more than how blessed I was to have a beautiful wife, good health, a good life, and the greatest gift of all...knowing that God had blessed us with a child(children!!!). BEST THANKSGIVING DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

The irony is that my WORST Thanksgiving and BEST Thanksgiving are the SAME DAY!!! After becoming pregnant, Patiance developed a case of hyperemesis gravidarum and spent time in and out of the hospital before being placed on strict bed-rest attached to I.V's and the first serious bout with this illness is what caused us to miss the aforementioned trip to NYC. At the time, I was obviously upset that we missed the fantastic trip that we had planned and was miserable with Patiance being so sick and my accommodations and meal that I endured that day. But in hindsight, it was really my first Thanksgiving as a parent. Because being a parent is about sacrificing for your children and caring for their well being. So now, as a parent, I look back and realize that giving up something like a vacation for the blessing of having two healthy, beautiful children is not only duty but actually one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Patiance and I never have made it to NYC for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, see Letterman, or visit Central Park in Autumn. But we still hope to make it there someday and take the kids with us. Hopefully it will be before they grow up, get married, and we have to cancel last minute because Kristen or either Cameron's wife is ill because they are expecting our grandchildren!!! LOL

The Faith of a Child

In every ones lives there are times that we become discouraged and melancholy. Some of us feel that way a little more than others of course. But hopefully there is something, or more importantly, someone that you love so much and makes you so happy that they make those feelings of sorrow melt away. I have a very cute story that I think of when I feel down and it always brings an immediate smile to my face and warms my heart, bringing a sense of relief to me, no matter what the problem.

Last year when my children were in 3rd grade, there was a large amount of debate among the children over the existance of Santa Claus. Apparently this debate became rather heated among the students as the class was almost divided fifty-fifty over the issue. Two of the teachers heard the gist of the argument and were so moved and amused by it that they couldn't wait to tell me about my son's defense of the existance of Santa. After many other children had informed Cameron that their parents had told them the "truth" and that there was no such person as Santa and that they were the ones who had always supplied the presents, he felt compelled to make his argument. Cameron informed them that his parents gave him presents, but Santa always brought him seperate gifts. He told them that both his parents believe in him as well, so he had to be real. But he best argument he made was the following..."You don't believe in Santa Claus, you're crazy...the next thing you'll tell me is that you don't believe in the Eater Bunny"!!! Well, for obvious reasons the teachers loved his simple, innocent point of view. It was refreshing to them to see a child that still had his belief in the holidays and all the ideals that go with them. After all, so many children these days are forced to grow up much too soon and they were pleased to find him so faithful. A child that uses the Easter Bunny, probably the most unbelievable character of any of our childhood holidays, as the crux of his argument for the existance of Santa Claus is very sweet and precious. It makes me proud of him every time I think of this story. Proud of his innocense and faith even in the face of opposition. It's one of those stories that I will remember forever. It makes my heart warm and fills me with a feeling of joy. No matter how upset or sorrowful I am, I can think of this story and it lifts me up.

The Peace of Winter

Everything runs in cycles, what was old becomes new again, some things are better the second time around...name your cliche', but I must admit that I'm finding great, new found, enjoyment from some of life's simpler joys experienced during childhood. I sit here at nearly four in the morning just watching the snow fall from the sky, and I am just as excited about it now as I was when I was young. All children that grow up in an area that experiences this type of winter weather and wait and pray for snow days off from school know the anticipation and enthusiasm of which I speak. Of course later on in early adulthood I used to get perturbed by the inclement weather. I was more concerned with getting to work and the extra time it would take me to get there. I despised the shoveling, salting, and cleaning off the cars that it caused. For those years, I let the simple beauty of it escape me. I can remember when I was a child and the winters of '78 and '79 brought us so much snow that it seemed like a winter vacation from school. I have one very fond moment where I remember sitting on the couch in our living room and I just sat there and watched it snow. It was still very early in the morning and school had just been called off, so everyone else had gone back to bed, but I stayed up. I was just so enchanted with the beauty and serenity of it. Of course later in the day I played with all the other kids and enjoyed it as they did...sledding, snowball fights, and building snowmen. But there was something about that moment in time that was just special. It just brought me peace and comfort.

Now that I'm a middle age father, I enjoy the snow for the fact that I can see the joy that it brings to my children. They, just as I did, look forward to snow days from school and the outside activities that come along with it. That in itself makes a snowstorm a blessing to me, but I still love it for different reasons as well. Watching the snow fall still gives me a warm, comforting feeling...a feeling of serenity. As I've grown older, I have thought about how and why this simple occurrence affects me so much. I think it's because during winter the cold, wet, gray days are just so depressing. Then the snow comes down and covers it all with a bright white coat. I feel like the snow just covers over all the ugly in the world with a fresh, new feeling of excitement and hope. So at the forecast of a good snowfall, you can bet that you'll find me there again, staring out the window hoping for that same feeling. I hope the forecast calls for several inches of "serenity" for me!

Time for a Change

Have you ever been in line at the grocery store and you see someone who is digging through their pockets or purse looking for change because they've come up just a few cents short of money? Almost always, someone in line or even the cashier will offer to give that person the meager change they need and then receive a grateful but embarrassed "thank you." I'm sure that we all have been on both sides of this situation and never thought anything about it a second after it happened, and after all, why should we? A few cents is something that we can easily afford to give and never miss, but can make us feel better knowing that we helped someone.

This simple act of kindness needs to be expanded upon in these times of worry and sorrow. Common courtesy, respect, and politeness need to be revived. Nice words of encouragement or affection can brighten the day of someone that may truly need it. These noble gestures don't cost us anything, but can mean a great deal to someone in their time of need. I know that the compassion and encouragement of my friends has helped me through many tough times. We all need to be mindful that no one of us can change the world alone, but if we all do our small part to make it better, then we can collectively make a difference. So, I'll ask you all..."Can you spare some change?"

Leaning on Friends

I've recently been struggling with insomnia and trying to pull the tangled web of depression from myself, but it seems to be getting the better of me. Then today my insulin pump quit working and I find out that I can get one shipped to me overnight, but it is going to be quite expensive. It seemed that things just kept getting worse. I had to take a few minutes to cry and hang my head, then I got on Facebook and talked about my struggles. Before I knew it, I had several friends giving me great words of encouragement and it made me feel so much better. I often hesitate to talk about problems because I don't want to come off as a whiner. Then I realized that we all need each other and that we should feel comfortable leaning on each other through the tough times. I, just as much as anyone, love to post those great pics and stories with happy endings. And those are some of the moments that help bring us together, but I think nothing helps bond us together more than being there for each other in tough times. It's easy for anyone to be there when life is going great, but it takes real friends to stick by your side when life throws us our biggest challenges. Taking a sick friend food, visiting someone in the hospital, and being there for them when a loved one passes away...these are the moments that true friends are there ready to be a shoulder to cry on and keep your strong. All of our problems don't have to be huge ones for our friends to rescue us, but every time one of you is here for me, it still means just as much. Thank you all for being here.

The Masks We Wear

We all wear masks at times. We put on a happy face to hide embarrassment or displeasure with others. These are the simple cases. What of those that are always trying to mask their hurt or sorrow? A clown that wears make-up depicting a sad face is representative of this. It is said that they represent the duality of life, that sadness must come before one is able to truly experience joy. The same could be said for comedians and satirists. Phil Hartman, John Belushi, and Chris Farley were all Saturday Night Live alumni that were brilliant comedic performers that struggled with depression and drug problems in their private lives. Many times those of us that are trying the hardest to make the world laugh are doing so to hide the despondent feelings we have.

What of others that wear different masks? The troubled teen that feels neglected or displaced by society and therefore turns to an alternative look and lifestyle. Many kids that turn to the "Goth" or Gothic genre because they feel unwelcome or unworthy of other cliques. Their manner of dress and appearance are their masks. The school bully that is hard of heart, delivering pain and punishment for the lack of love and caring in their own life. They try to prove to the world that they are too tough to be hurt or vulnerable.

Some people are lucky I guess. They are who and what they appear to be. Confident and secure in their place in life. They are the fortunate ones. Not spending many a sleepless night pondering their own signifigance and contemplating how they may prove to the world their worth. As I experience this myself, I try to shed some light on the struggles that many of us have. Hoping that this may be my contribution to the world and therefore grant me some peace of mind and heart.

A Time for Friends

My favorite film of all time is It's A Wonderful Life. I'm sure that most everyone is familiar with it and the general story line. George Bailey, the main character, is given a chance to see how he effected others lives after his wish of never being born is granted. He then realizes how many peoples' lives he has touched. And of course at the end of the movie his friends come to his aid. His guardian angel, Clarence, leaves him a message of inspiration, "Remember no man is a failure who has friends." Honestly there is not a Christmas that goes by without me watching this classic and it makes me cry every time. This movie was made in 1946 but the ideas and principles are just as relevent today. We all have unfulfilled aspirations and dreams. And it's easy to let the world we live in today get the best of us. I am a blessed man, I have a wonderful wife and children. Yet I am often dispondent over decisions I have made in my life and where I am in it. Not because I am a narcissist, but rather because I would love to be able to do more for my family. It's a good thing to be goal oriented and driven but we need to realize that success can be measured in many ways. I have been there with George, on the bridge. Not knowing what the answer is, feeling there is no way out. Feeling like I have failed in life and that I had no place in it. It's not an easy thing to admit and even more difficult to explain to others. So, just like George, I was able to get through my worst moments with the assistance of my friends. They have listened to endless hours of stories of "woulda, coulda, shoulda", "why me" and "I just give up." They have picked me up off the ground(sometimes literally) and lifted my spirits. Some of them are old friends that I don't get to see much anymore and some of them are more recent friends that I have become closer to. The more friends I talk to, the more I realize that I am not alone. There are many people with similar struggles. I want my friends and everyone to know and remember that in those darkest of moments, that you are not alone.